Bleach Drabbles
by Key Revolution
Summary: A collection of assorted Bleach drabbles featuring het, yaoi, yuri, and gen. By drabble I mean less than 1k words, not exactly 100.
1. The Inevitable Doom of Valentines Day

Pairing: RyuukenxIsshin  
Rating: PG-13  
Warning: Well, if you dont know who Ryuuken or Isshin are... this won't tell you anything, but it might seem pointless and random. More than it already is, I mean.  
Word count: 634  
A/n: A story quite like this was one of the ones I lost on Valentines day TT_  
So, you know how I can't really see IshidaxIchigo happening, but I enjoy it anyway? Well, I don't have the same reservations with IsshiRyuu. I love the crack this inevitably leads to more than I love IchiIshi crack, and I can see it as more "canon" simply because Isshin happens to be crazier than his son, so it all sort of makes sense and yeah. Oh, and Ryuuken/IsshinxPrevious spouse is sweet. _

Ryuuken opened his eyes to a brand new day and knew that he was doomed.

Resigned to his fate, he got out of bed, his feet bare against the coldness of his floor.

He felt well rested and energetic, which he thought would probably turn out to be a good thing.

His choice of clothes is limited. He does not need nor particularly want variety. His clothes were all clean and neat, but he carefully looked them over before choosing. Something that didn't require dry cleaning, wass relatively sturdy, and worst come to worst would not be TOO expensive to replace. He doesn't own any cheap suits.

He opened the door of his bedroom carefully, inching it forward and peeking out cautiously. Nothing happened. Letting out a breath he hadn't noticed he'd been holding, he quietly stepped into the kitchen to make himself some coffee.

The early morning was quiet and peaceful, and he had maybe five minutes in which to relax and enjoy the book he was in the middle of before he had to go to work. He sighed and relaxed and wished he had nice leisurely days like these more often.

After three minutes he put his book down and his coat on, and walked briskly towards the door. He would miss all the traffic and enjoy a productive day at work-

He didn't even get the chance to step out of his apartment.

As he wheezed and gasped, trying to regain the breath that had been knocked out of him by the force of a full-grown man barreling into him in the sort of immature and ridiculous fashion associated with squealing teenage girls, Kurosaki Isshin waved his finger in his face and gave him a reprimanding look.

"You were thinking of going to work, weren't you, on today of all days?"

Ryuuken decided that the man's immaturity is not even worthy of a response, so he simply glared.

"And I had to camp out outside your door for HOURS, and I was hungry, and I couldn't eat the chocolates I brought you, and then I decided that you were being a big fat meanie-face and I was going to eat them to spite you, and-"

As if remembering something, he thrust a heart-shaped box of candy into Ryuuken's face. The cover had been replaced sloppily, so Ryuuken could see that less than half of the chocolates remained.

"On today of all days," He said, coldly, "I would think you would have private words to exchange with your wife or something."

It was a low blow, as Ryuuken knew, but Isshin didn't even seem to notice.

"I talk to her every day, she knows she's my true love and so she's not going to keep me from neglecting my other true love, just like I'm sure if you died you wouldn't mind, even if you would pretend to mind because it suits your icicle-up-my-ass image. If someone truly loves you, they won't mind you loving people other than themselves"

Isshin grinned at him, and Ryuuken wanted to punch him in the face for a thousand things including how Isshin managed to resolve issues that Ryuuken tossed and turned at night over.

"Oh right, I had something else," Isshin said, and his smile made Ryuuken feel very afraid. What he proffered seemed harmless enough, another red heart-shaped box. Why was he giving Ryuuken another box of candy?

The box opened to reveal a pack of condoms and a super-sized tube of lubricant that Isshin had probably been saving for just such an occasion.

"By the way," Isshin said, and he kicked the door shut with his foot while leaning his head in to Ryuuken's ear, "You do realize that there is not the slightest possibility of you going to work today, right?"


	2. Again

Pairing: IchigoxRukia  
Word Count: 77  
Rating: G

_There's IchigoxTatsuki, but I love that as something more platonic. There's ichigoxChad, but that pairing BOTHERS me (I love yaoi,but I'm a friendship whore). Then there's IchigoxOrihime, but although many people see that pairing as sweet, I never really fell for it the way I fell for IchiRuki. Heck, during the first arc I was surprised the series was shounen, because I thought it was a love story. That's how blatant the paring felt to me. I suspect this will remain my only real pairing for Rukia and Ichigo for all time _

They don't need to talk. It isn't that they don't talk, just that they don't need to, not about the important things. They understand the important things without speaking. It is how Rukia watches him leave after overturning all Soul Soceity to save her, and smiles and waves and feels her heart ache, but it's ok because they will see each other again. It isn't a naive belief, it's a surety.

They will see each other again.


	3. It Started with a Nice Day

Pairing: TatsukixChizuru  
Rating: PG? Um...  
Warnings: None, but... this is yuri.  
Word count: 309_  
So Chizuru is openly lesbian and Tatsuki always struck me that way. I like one sided TatsukixOrihime, but Tatsuki needs some love to alleviate the inevitable angst of one-sidedness. Will this love have an annoying tendency to grab her breasts in public? Yes. _

It started with a nice day and a shopping trip to the mall.

They walked along, Orihime chattering excitedly and Tasuki half-listening while looking for something to wear that was reasonably nice and not too ridiculously feminine.

Thus distracted, her reflexes didn't kick in until it was nearly too late. When she heard the all-too familiar voice squeal "HIME!" she whirled around to place a kick that should have squashed that shameless slut's nose into her skull.

Instead she managed to pull down the entire clothing rack onto the three of them.

It could still have turned out fine in the end if Chizuru hadn't groped her as they had struggled to free themselves, probably more accidentally than on purpose.

"Oh, Tatsuki-chan..." Chizuru murmured, and Tatsuki's eyes widened as she recognized the horrible seductive tone that had NEVER been directed at her before.

"Who could have guessed that underneath your boyish frame-"

Tatsuki felt guilty afterwards. She even visited Chizuru in the hospital, because she was willing to concede that multiple fractures in three limbs was maybe a trifle excessive, and with her conscience thus assuaged she went to school the next day, not willing to admit to looking forward to a peaceful day in which she did not have to zealously guard her friend from Chizuru's advances.

What she did not expect was to be hugged the moment she entered the school grounds by two bandage-swathed arms.

Chizuru, managing incredible feats all for the sake of looove, hobbled around the school that day cheerfully flirting with all the females in the building while mentioning threesomes at every possible opportunity, managing the awe-inspiring feat of winking in two separate directions at once.

Tatsuki ground her teeth and bore it, because having apologized in the hospital room she couldn't go ahead and break every remaining bone in Chizuru's body now.


	4. Wish You Would Ask

Pairing: Orihime/Ishida, Orihime -- Ichigo  
Word Count: 227  
Rating: PG_  
Orihime will go through a sad rocky period in which she slowly comes to terms with the fact that Ichigo likes Rukia in the way she likes him, and when she needs a shoulder to cry on, there will be Ishida, the (as tomomichi put it) "gayest straight boy ever". And I'm not just flipping this off out of my guilty need to comfort poor heartbroken Orihime. It pinged at me madly way before Orihime's crush on Ichigo penetrated my thick, thick skull._

He is laughing in the way he never laughs with her, a special laugh he only laughs when he is around Rukia. He never seems to notice that his laughter can be different, but Orihime notices. She's happy for Ichigo, or she should be happy for Ichigo, and she shouldn't hate Rukia so much, and she shouldn't feel her smiles grow weaker and faker.

She shouldn't wish that Ichigo would notice and ask what's wrong, so she can maybe gather the courage to confess. It would only make it harder for him if she did. He wouldn't want to hurt her but he wouldn't be able to reciprocate, and that hurts her most. In her dreams, though, he notices and he asks and when she tells him, he tells her that secretly he's thought of her, too, and he's like that with Rukia only because she is a shinigami too.

She wishes someone would ask.

Instead she smiles blandly and acts as usual as she can, and Tatsuki notices but doesn't know why and Matsumoto knows why but doesn't tell.

And one day she hears the question, the right question but the wrong person. She looks up into eyes framed by glasses and cries into a narrower chest, a less rumpled shirt, and wishes the world could be right again instead of just a little less wrong.


	5. Misplaced Priorities

Paring: KeigoxMizuiro  
Rating: More PG.  
Warnings: None, beyond the usual mxm?  
Word Count: 180  
_I dunno, I read one or two fics and this one suddenly madly appealed to me and I needed more. Give me links, and I will be happ_y

"Why are you so popular with girls?" Keigo asked, sprawled across Mizuiro's bed.

Mizuiro didn't answer, clicking away with his mouse as he destroyed another line of space invaders.

"Dammit," Keigo said, "I have no luck with the girls, and my gay boyfriend likes crappy computer games more than me."

Mizuiro smiled.

"I think I'll go sit in a corner and angst now," Kaigo said, then reconsidered. "Actually, I think I'm going to find a permanent marker and write 'Asano Keigo owns Misuiro's ass' all over them."

"That's fine with me, but your sister will hear all about it during my date with her this Friday."

"I hate you." Keigo said, and returned to quietly watching Mizuiro, his leg-tapping the only indication of his impatience.

Mizuiro smiled again. He felt happy and content, and thought that maybe next time Keigo starts up- in about two minutes, maybe less- he'll do something so that Keigo can be happy too.

That Keigo's lack of stamina meant that Mizuiro would then be able to play in peace was also a factor, of course.


	6. I Didn't Want to Fail You

Pairing: Byakuya/Hisana  
Warning: Angst. Again. Darnit. I didn't even WANT it to be.  
Word Count: 131_  
I do love canon. And I have a weakness for little mushy widows. And could anyone point out where in canon it implies Hisana didn't quite love Byakuya, unless that's just fanon? _

She thinks his family nearly ruined him, and the moments she loves best are when he proves that they failed.

Underneath the ice lies the human, sweet and awkward and hopelessly in love, and she feels the despair of knowing that his feelings are stronger than hers. She does love him. She lies awake at night until she convinces herself that she does, or at least she loves him as much as she can, and she thinks maybe it wouldn't be so painful if the face of her sister didn't haunt her dreams.

She tries very hard not to resent him. She tries hard to live in this new world of wealth and safety that is cold and emotionless and empty.

She fails, but as she dies she hopes he'll understand.


	7. Failed Dates Thanks to the Icicle

Pairing: Byakuya/Renji (one sided for now cough I want to write more about them)  
Word Count: 372  
Rating: PG?  
_I fell really hard and fast for this one, and then the anime added the shinigami coloring book and the rest is history.. In fact, it's my only real pairing for Renji. I've never been a RenjixRukia or RenjixIchigo fan, which seem to be the other two main pairings available. I like both of those as more platonic relationships, and it doesn't help that Ichigo and Rukia are so for each other. (unless you want to make an angsty little one-sided story that possibly leads into ByaRen, then I just love you) ._

When Renji transferred to his division, it was a shock. The man had been ruined by the eleventh division, and he was a rude uncouth lout like all the rest of them.

Byakuya was too well-bred to say anything- There were people who thought that being well-bred meant being snobby and obnoxious, but being TRULY well-bred meant being too far above such things to even bother.

So Renji was loud when he transferred, and Byakuya would simply smile tersely and continue working at his papers, and slowly Renji quieted down, just because there kept being unpleasant moments when he would be talking loudly and then pause to realize that no one else was making any noise.

Transferring was a miserable, unpleasant process- He hadn't expected to get used to the eleventh, he truly hadn't, but he had, and he was used to constant noise and people who punched you when they were mad, rather than simply staring until you stopped.

He hated Byakuya, he hated him for so many things, especially on those occasions when he saw Rukia with him.

He thought that what bothered him most was how the man barely knew him and seemed to loathe him on sight. But he wasn't willing to admit that, not to his eleventh division buddies, who despite their reputation as Soul Society's dumbest division were still horribly perceptive.

Renji knew he wasn't gay because he hadn't spared Yumichika more than an occasional glance, and that was less than the average straight man.

Still, he thought it unfair of the icy bastard who was his captain to make it impossible for him to get beyond the dinner stage of any date, just because his mind would be filled by the picture of a haughty and disdainful black-haired bastard rather than by lovely images of whatever naked red or blonde-haired young lady he was with, and his libido would whimper and curl up to die in a corner. This should have proven that he was NOT interested in Byakuya, but the problem was that his libido would then be revived at night while he was dreaming. Then he would act jumpy and paranoid all the next day, because he was half-certain Byakuya could read minds.


	8. Three People Kenpachi Will Marry

Kenpachi OTPs- Copied over. Yet again. I'm sorry. I'm lazy.  
Rating: PG-13 for Kenpachi's mouth?

9a.  
"You the one who blew up my office?" Kenpachi growls.  
"That would be me" Kuukaku smiles dangerously.  
"All that paperwork… All gone… MARRY ME!"

9b.

_How could I resist? If the pairing makes your brain flail, read what pero has written about them and tell me you cannot totally see it happening._

"I'm the wife?" Byakuya repeats, eyes narrowed dangerously.  
"Well… yeah… Because I sure as hell ain't, so-"  
The next morning Kenpachi wakes up with "Mommy" tattooed to his forehead

9c.  
"Absolutely not. Only fucking pansies wear hospital gowns."  
Unohana smiles and flips through her clipboard of medical notes. "I understand, Kenpachi-san. Of course I would never consider blackmailing you with some of the incriminating photos I happen to have with me of you under sedatives, but I do wish you would think it over carefully one more time."  
Kenpachi puts on the gown.


	9. Ishida's Glasses

Pairing: IchigoxIshida  
Word Count: 59  
Rating: G?  
_I can't see it ever /really/ happening, but wow, what happy crack it doth make._

Ichigo thinks Ishida's glasses glint even when they are not perched on his nose, powered not by reflections of light but by evil thoughts running through a twisted brain. They are glinting now, as Ishida forcibly twirls him around so he can admire the way the pink dress he sewed himself clashes so marvelously with Ichigo's bright orange hair.


	10. No need

Pairing: IchigoxRukia  
Word Count: 51  
Rating: PG

"You need to un-furrow your brows sometimes, you know," she says, kissing them lightly.

"On second thought, put them back the way they used to be. You're even scarier like that."

He slaps her.

"Smile more." She says.

"Rukia…" He says.

"I know." She says.

Once again, they don't need words.


	11. Double Wedding

Title: Double Wedding

Fandom: Bleach

Pairing: Ishida/Orihime, Ichigo/Rukia, one sided yet oddly enough not really angsty Orihime -- Ichigo

A/n: a happier sequel to my drabble for Ishida and Orihime.

Exactly how they managed to get here is anyone's guess.

Ok, fine, that's not entirely true. There was a ring somewhere, which he had handed to Rukia with the explanation of "I'm not going to kneel or do any of that mushy weird romantic shit, but please marry me anyway."

This makes sense.

How they got HERE, though, doesn't.

Presumably there was another ring, one that had probably, in fact, been handed over with a lot of kneeling and mushy weird romantic shit.

And then Orihime had called Tatsuki on her cellphone and Rukia had called Byakuya on her soul society phone and after that they had called each other.

And then Rukia drew pictures full of evil plans and Orihime drew menus full of eggplant-mushroom-banana cupcakes, and both their fiancés were greeted the next morning with the news that there would be a double wedding, with or without their consent.

Ishida Uryuu might have taken it well. Or he might not have, considering how the Hollow population had managed to lose a good portion of its members mysteriously over the space of only a few hours.

Ichigo definitely had not, but, as he reflected gloomily while he marched up the aisle with a beaming Rukia attached to his arm, Rukia had him so well trained that he only screamed and flailed for a few minutes before resigning himself to the fact that this was yet another argument he had no hope of winning.

"So. Why did we do this anyway?" He asks Orihime, because Rukia only snickers when he asks and Ishida is death-glaring him whenever he comes too near.

"I did always want to have my wedding with Ichigo-kun!" she tells him, cheerfully.

And if he's the only one who doesn't understand the double meaning behind that statement, well, it's all for the better.


	12. Kenpachi's Office

Kenpachi's office is a mess. Papers are thrown everywhere. They cover the desk and spill onto the floor.

Once upon a time Kenpachi just burned them all, until he found Yachiru playing in a huge pile of them. Since then he's kept them, great big heaps of unanswered urgent letters dating back centuries.

It's rarely the case, but when the door to Kenpachi's office is closed, you get to see the drawing tacked onto the outside of it, all proudly signed in black crayon as having been drawn by "Yachiru".

A lot of red crayon went into those drawings.


End file.
